When I had a little baby girl nine years ago, I had dreams of someday adorning her with hair bows and beautiful braids. More often than not however, our hair sessions end in tears and frustration, my daughter claiming that I am yanking and pulling too much. Most of the time we both walk away exasperated; grabbing a rubber band, she finally resorts to pulling back her wavy, thick, coarse hair into a messy ponytail.
My experiences with my daughter’s hair helped me to understand the importance of the textured hair class offered by With Love on February 25. Although my daughter does not have true textured spiral ringlets, she has hair that is different from mine, and therefore I have trouble understanding how to properly and gently care for it.
With Love has been helping the foster care community for almost eight years now. Not only do they help with tangible needs, but they also strive to help foster parents connect with their children.
Atoya Bass, founder and owner of The Curly hair studio in Beaverton, Oregon, was excited to share her passion and expertise with the foster parent community.
Seven years ago, she saw a need in the community that aligned with her interest and skill: Curly hair. According to Atoya, curly hair is misunderstood, mishandled and mistyled. Women with curly hair often times feel frustrated because they simply do not understand how to cut and care for it.
Furthermore, when curly hair is attached to a culture, it may also create feeling of being misunderstood. As I learned during this zoom class, textured hair needs to be cared for and handled in a very specific way. With proper understanding and education, foster parents are equipped to honor and love their children by caring for them properly.
The class began with Allie talking to a With Love board member Chylon. Allie talked about some of the questions she had about skincare and haircare routines for the black children that have lived in her house. Chylon was very thoughtful in her responses and how we can best care for these kids with dignity. Then Allie introduced Atoya and her model, a young girl named Tuesday. Tuesday had quite the curly hair; for over an hour, Atoya carefully and lovingly went through, step by step, the process of managing and caring appropriately for Tuesday’s hair.
My take away: Moisture and conditioner and time seem to be the key to success!
In addition to learning some excellent practical skills, this experience also empowered foster parents with an additional way to connect and care for their children.
With anything we don’t fully understand, taking the time to “walk a mile in another’s shoes” shows a desire to come along side to support and love well.
My interactions and negative outcomes with my own daughter could have been avoided if I simply took the time to understand her better.
After watching this video, I went to the store and purchased some high quality conditioner. Perhaps this is what my daughter’s hair needed; less pulling and tugging and more moisture.
When I presented her with my idea, she smiled, and I think that smile indicated that she felt important.
And later, combing through her hair without a snarl or pull, we felt connected, and she felt honored and loved.
Connection is key in any relationship.
Offering classes that educate and empower foster parents is yet another way to come along side the family. If you would like to see the training you can see it on our YouTube channel.
It’s sending the message to both the parents and the children in foster care that “you matter.”
